Share your story : how did you get to this point?
Here I sit in a bed at my parents house. At 32 years old I never would have guessed I'd be in the position I am today. My labels defining who I am have changed a bit over the years. The first few labels that come to mind are mom, veteran, widow, fiancé, believer, addict to name some.
In the past couple months I have spent time in residential treatment facilities to learn more about myself and taken time to learn skills to help me through everyday interactions with others. My anxiety, fear and depression grabbed ahold of me towards the end of the school year. My therapist was absent for the birth of his daughter and I misjudged the need for a temporary alternate therapist for that time.
My mind kept on pushing me to "hunt the good stuff" and deal with the uncomfortable stressors as needed along the way. I refused help from the offering parties, because I thought my way was better. I began missing my routine Sunday church mornings, and found myself home alone with my children more frequently than not. It wasn't long before my lack of sleep and low nutrition meals caught up with me (meals consisted of candy and energy drinks or coffee, and ice cream) I was up to a pack a day in smoking, and never enough marijuana to keep me high long enough. My coping skills were failing me miserably which led me to knew lengths of meeting new people through dating sites and apps.
One of the meetings led to a slip up of my decision to stay sober. One drink of vodka and my sobriety and self esteem was blown out of the water. My parents, friends and fiancé and I decided together that I would try going to treatment at an inpatient facility, Timberline Knolls in Illinois. I entered the facility on May 19th fully prepared to leave the addictions behind me. After a couple incidents with another resident at the facility and one of them leading me to the emergency room for x-rays and a CT scan, I decided my time at Timberline Knolls was up and returned home with my fiancé.
Home took me for a bit of a shock and my parents as well. After a day at home with visits from the Sheriffs for welfare checks, my parents had me committed to the Broadlawns Sands unit. Here I picked up a new label of Bipolar 1. This is/was a label that is difficult for me to accept as true for me. I began taking medications and spent 3.5 weeks there being evaluated to be sure I was not a danger to myself and/or others.
I spent my time going to group therapies, coloring, lots of coloring, playing some basketball and cornhole with other residents and staff. I couldn't wait to get out of Broadlawns and see my kids again.
Today I am in outpatient treatment. I'm in a program called Restore with Eyerly Ball in Des Moines. I'm currently living with my parents until the programs are more established with some ground under my feet.
I'm finding joy in playing my guitar, writing, crocheting, reading and playing or doing art with my kids, fishing, going for walks and bike rides and more. I get to see my fiancé once or twice a week at this time and have been able to schedule a couple times to meet up with friends.
So here I am in my bed writing all of the story down to share with you. Sometimes it feels like this is never going to end, and to write down where I have been helps to rationalize that this too shall pass. I will be able to drive again one day. I will be able to live in my house one day, I will be able to have my kids alone again one day. I pray that one day gets turned into day one soon.
